dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
