i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
