Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
