I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
