i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
