mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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