I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
