how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
