guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
