Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
