If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
