it was like his penis was on wheels.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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