I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
