Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
