I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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