Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
FUCK WHALES
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
