Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
