It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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