sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
