I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize