He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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