Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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