you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
