sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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