Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
