babies were throwing up all over the place
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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