maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
