apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
