Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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