Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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