i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Your penis caused this!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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