who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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