It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
