am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
