Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
