i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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