just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
