dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Randomize
