I can tuck mytits in my pants
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
