Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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