Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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