i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
