Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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