gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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