he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
