fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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