I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I forgot wine drunk hurts
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
