I'm lost and stupid without you.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
