real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He passed out mid-signature
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
