i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You made out with two different species that night
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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