I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
