Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
