I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
