Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
