It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
