I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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