sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
look no pants
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
