sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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