I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
They have beer where we have blood.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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