THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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