just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I came so hard my ears popped.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
