My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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