$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
