worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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