Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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