my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
