You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I don't deserve a penis
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
