im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
