but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
