Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
