In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
