Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
