i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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